T’was the week before Christmas

And all through the city

People were starting

To get rather shitty

The last minute shopping

The stress of the buys

The last-one-in-stocks

That result in black eyes

The brigade of the parties

The food, and the nog

The Advil and Motrin

Lifting the fog

The kids! – Their concerts

Their shows and their cheer

Has everyone reaching

For a noise numbing beer

The presents, the parcels

The ribbons and bows

The back-breaking wrapping

Is killing; it shows

Family arriving

By land and by plane

All making you wish

You’d been hit by a train

So make room in your purse

(You would be so clever)

And stash some sweet treats

And a flask of whatever

Exhausted and weary

Yes! But don’t fret

Armed with our vices

We’ll get through it all yet

Santa has it right

That willy old dear:

Visit people -

But once a year.

Ho, ho, HO! :)

T’was the week before Christmas – uncut