Well! Look at all the thoughtful comments! Thank you, dear friends! I also received some texty texts from well meaners, suggested prunes and prune juice, and (for back) deep tissue massage.
The update…. isn’t much of an update, sadly. On the bright side, there were two – ahem – ‘movements’, if you will, though they weren’t of epic proportion like I’d expected (and hoped) and since then there has been nothing again. I’ve had three absolutely horrendous days of my back rendering me a cripple and for the first time ever, I was happy to do the Piglet hand-off with Babydaddy, as chasing/lifting/having her cry because I can’t carry her around 24/7 was simply killing me.
So, between the blockage, (you know it’s bad when your sweats are snug) the broken back, (I’m a hunchback, friends. At 31.) and a stormy couple of personal days, (insert chocolate and PB out of the jar) I am in a rough place.
Enter Operation Fix-Me-Up. Informed work and mumsy that I would be flying in to Calg to situate self on couch while she catered to my every wish and demand, (ordered that she run out to collect me prunes and juice and chicken noodle soup) and scheduled apt after apt; family doc (for better drugs) chiro (bend and snap) and deep tissue massage (which is said to be excruciatingly painful but effective, and thus I can’t WAIT.)
I landed in yest and ‘prepped’, hoping to start today ‘fresh’. ’Cleaned out’. Ahem. I ate fistfuls of dried prunes, (and stewed prunes which by the way are a rather lovely little snack, I recommend everyone give a go) drank a whole heap of prune juice (the real nectar stuff, my mumsy spares no cost) and brewed up some more laxative tea and let it steep for 20 minutes. I was mildly afraid of shitting the bed – literally – but took my chances. (my mother would shat herself if she knew that – I was sharing her bed.) 
This morning, then? Nada. Zip, zilch, not a pooplet to be seen, and it is now 1pm.
Devastation, obviously. I’ve my deep tissue & chiro apts back to back in one hour’s time, and I’ve just polished off another glass of prune juice. My usual chiro girl is off on Mondays so I’m seeing the former NFLer guy, and am now terrified I’m going to be laying on my stomach while he pretzels me into position and the second he jumps on me for the snap-crackle-pop, a big fat stream of sewage is going to come flying out my ass. Wouldn’t that be one for the books.
Will update with results. Hopefully they won’t involve me having been asked to leave the building.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
The first thing I thought when you mentioned the deep tissue massage was you might poop on the table and when I read “big fat stream of sewage is going to come flying out my ass,” I about fell out of my chair.
I hope you have a nice fat poop soon, but I hope it is not on the massage or chrio’s table!
Only you can make a poop post friggin hilarious! I hope you poop soon my dear.